Through Pink Glasses

I was carrying a really huge and heavy bag and feeling like the provebial Bull in a Chinashop, except for the fact that I was standing in the middle of an eyewear store. When I took the bag off my back without breaking a single pair of those hundreds of pairs of glasses around me, the shop assistant looked very relieved and offered her help immediately. I told her in a simpliest and silliest way that I have a prescription for glasses (whether it is a consequence of my summer "oyster-eye" adventures or of my spending too much time writing and reading) , swallowed the part about my looking as a dumbass in any kind of sunglasses I have ever put on and being afraid that dioptric glasses won't do any better... She smiled understandingly and opened three drawers full of pairs of glasses, each drawer representing one price category. Well, any pair from the first drawer would make me look as Ugly Betty, Terrible Teacher, or, at best, an Insane Geek. Any pair from the third "managerish" drawer was out of my financial reach, so I tried to focus my imperfect eyes on the "middle class" drawer. The first choice is usually the best, as someone behind me was saying in the shop. My first spontaneous glimpse belonged to a pair of glasses which just happened to have a sticker with a Treble Clef on one of the glasses and a word "Music" written on its legs... I wanted to close my eyes, pretend not to see all the other pairs and buy this one, but...it was soooo fragile and impractically designed... and I know myself and after my experience with the watch and mobile phone, I just couldn't risk that the tiny plastic joint would break and make the glasses useless after a few days of wearing. So, with a tear in my eye, the sense winning over the sensibility, I put the "Clefdesol" glasses back and tried several more. Some of them were too narrow, some of them made me look too strict (not that I did not need a bit of that to protect myself from all those who misuse my having a naive expression), some of them had really crazy shapes ... in the end I was left with a pair that was fitting perfectly, covering the whole area my eyes need for looking at distant subjects and not covering half of my face at the same time, they were even in a reasonable price cattegory, BUT. THEY WERE PINK. And they did not offer this shape in any other colour. Ok, I am a blonde, but quite a conservative one. Nothing in common with Paris Hilton, you know (except perhaps the driving skills, I admit). However - the offices and students were awaiting me and I had to decide quickly (which is something I really hate doing to be sincere). So after a short conversation with the shop assistant who was trying to convince me that I should pay more for an antireflection coating as it might be very useful when driving (and my knowing that I can afford neither extra fees nor driving for the next several years), I ordered this pair of glasses. And I am really, really looking forward to having it.

In many ways, including pain both physical and psychical, today was one of the most tiring days in my life. And yet, there was something strangely symbolic about it. No matter how terrible I have been feeling lately, I also feel something I did not certainly feel when I started to write this journal in January. A weak but certain will to live, to manage, to "grin and bear it" and to share however small spark of hope, joy or strength I may collect with the others. To be capable to look at the world around me through the pink glasses once again.